Sunday, February 26, 2006

time to (really) study

The singapore leg of the sino-sing exchange has come to an end; the follow up will be in may when we'll go over to yunnan and beijing. it has been a pretty enjoyable time. strangely, talking to them got me thinking about many things, like my studies, my plans after my studies, my plans for this year etc etc. Hmmm... I don't have the mental energy to really sit down and write down my thoughts though. Think I lost 1 kg over the 2 weeks, coping with school work, church and the exchange itself. Thank God for His grace that I've pretty much completed the school assignments on time. I think I did not submit crap, cos I'll know when I submit crap or not; but I guess I did tried my best not to submit crap. What am I talking about? ha ha..I'm incoherent. Now the last hurdle to complete an intense fornight is to compile this presentation for monday's tutorial. After that I'll take the whole monday off to have a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong sleep. yay. =)

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Mid Sem Break

Mid sem break thus far has been....hmmm... back breaking? ha ha
But anyway, it has been pretty alright coping with school work and sino exchange. Although I kinda complained a bit with some of the rather lame programs that the MOE officials have organized for us, I really appreciate the new friendships made with both the Chinese and the Singaporeans. Maybe it is cos some of them do not know Christ, yet they are really sincere and passionate in creating meanings in their lives and others. Kinda gives me the impetus to find the right time to share the gospel or something like that with them.

I think somehow I function and sleep better when I'm busy with work. Been appreciating those precious 5 hours-per-night sleep, and praying that God will maximise the amount of rest from whatever little sleep I get.

I think my mid sem break will come next week... yeah... really need a day of zoning out next week.

Anyone out there whoz praying for me, please pray that I have the mental capacity to clear my essay and presentation this Friday as well as another presentation next Monday.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

it's not real

can't believe i'm at a loss of words even in writing a message
maybe i'm just tired, clocking 5 hours of sleep each night
and i need to wake up from tonight
it's not real

Sunday, February 12, 2006

ramblings

Ha ha ha.. i think it is really funny that part of the briefing sheet for this coming sino sing exchange includes the following:

6. Even if some sessions are incredibly boring, please do feign enthusiasm and interest. Please do not fall asleep during those sessions!

Really makes me wonder what is in store in these sessions. But I think it is going to be a challenging 2 weeks, with 9 - 5pm non-stop hosting on top of the 'expectations to host your Chinese counterparts in the evenings'. Hmmm... plus 2 presentations, 1 essay, 1 ISM mid-sem report, a much procrastinated cluster meeting, some academic festival thingo, as well as a lousy nocturnal circadian clock... I think I would probably really need to plaster my eyes or something if I need to "feign enthusiam and interest" during sessions.

Either that, or I shall enter into nirvana with semi opened eyes during sessions. Speaking of nirvana, been having quite an irritating debate inside my head with regards to trying to reconcile polytheistic gods (the hindu/buddhist types) and monotheistic gods (the OT types). Hmmm.. I don't know.. just part of my peripheral nonsense thoughts. Maybe I've been talking to buddhist friends of late and my rather polytheistic mom, and just wondering if there can be any way to enlighten their perspectives in a philosophical but simple framework.

And this morning while going to church, the cabbie was blasting hillsong-like buddhist songs in his taxi. Coupled with all the buddhist statues and stickers... really reminds me of those shady experiences that I had in that sri lankan motel. So anyway, instead of asking the cab to stop outside the small gate, I decided to ask the cabbie to drive right into the church and tell him 'ah uncle.. can stop right in front of the Cross'. Hope my implicit message was explicit enough. Kinda prayed that every single passenger that he ferries today will direct him to a church.. heh heh.

Anyway, heard a silly song in burger king today that triggered more peripheral neurotic memories. oh well... i'm silly enough...

Saturday, February 11, 2006

author of reality

now i know what mid life crisis does to a person.
could not quite understand how a person who is so intelligent, so rich, so brilliant and so well respected in the dpt could be so utterly resigned to the very cause that he believes in.
well, I think it is true to a certain extent we fashion our own narratives

- how we define a meaningful life, how to escape life, how to live in an imaginary life that is simply an extension of what we make ourselves to 'think' that that is the way it should be -

passion fuels that narrative for a moment
but the gnashing of time devours the poetry that was conjured
for the sound mind to live in its own narrative

still I insist to believe in my narrative,
not quite a lie yet,
but maybe an imagined reality
well, not many things we take for granted are really real anyway

maybe insistence is pure foolishness
the state of the mind that belongs to the less informed
but maybe there is something honorable in foolishness

no one gives a fool any credibility
but that gives the fool the space to define the real narrative for himself
he stays away from the ill advice of others,
who think that they have escaped from their narratives
but maybe they are prisoners of their own minds?

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

interesting encounters

It has been a mid week of strange encounters with interesting people.

Monday

Woke up at 11 am and saw this sms from my hearing-impaired friend. He asked me to help him give his boss a ring to explain that he can't make it for work as he wasn't feeling well. Oh well... easy enough eh? But I gave his boss a call only to receive a tirade of super mega hokkien-chinese expletives. I think the boss was kinda angry, but oh well, think I became his punching bag. Unfortunately, I was semi awake and I'm bad in chinese/dialect conversation. So I can't really defend my friend.

Lesson of the day: Learn hokkien and chinese, and I don't mean the expletives.

Later the day, I bump into this person in lib who smiled and say hi to me. Problem is, I'm totally convicted, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he is a complete stranger whom I do not know at all.

So the logical biological response was a puzzled face and a 'huh'???? look.

He rolled his eyes and walk away with a look of utter contempt.

Lesson of the day: 1) Smile at everyone, you never know who are your friends. 2) Guys can be quite b****y.

Tuesday

Talked to a classmate, who belongs to the same tutorial class AND project group, while trying really hard to remember her name. Ended the 10 min conversation still trying to figure out the name.

Lesson of the day: 1) Smile, even when you forget your friend's name. 2) Pay attention in class.

Wednesday

Was reading Gramsci in the mrt when this exchange student from a leftist school in canada started commenting that Gramsci theories are really tough stuff. I told him I'm studying Gramsci to see how neo-marxism can be applied to singapore politics. What happened after that was a nice exchange of opinion on how civil society is armored by the political society. I think if there were any political police in the mrt, that would have meant the end of my potential political career. Still, it was pretty cool to exchange political philosophy with a stranger in an mrt. Maybe this is what they meant by academic freedom.

Lesson of the day: Be a pseudo philosopher.


Monday, February 06, 2006

Language

language loses its meaning altogether
when the metaphors and allegories
that are intended for the Reader
are suspended between now and then
language ascribes meanings to symbols and subjects
yet subjects do not exist within a Vacuum
Vacuum demands a language
the language of longing entrenches the Vacuum
If Distance can be grasped by language
Distance does not allow any space for expression
Space becomes the language
the space between now and then
the space between the Writer and the Reader