On Cambodia

This 'BBC article' reminds me of cambodia in dec 2004. It is hard to make sense of a genocide... the lost of an entire generation. My guess is that the indochina war and the genocide probably regressed the economy by a good 20 years. I guess there is much that the developed countries in this region can do to help their neighboring countries. Maybe the question is how? And why? Sometimes, I guess I have a overly romanticized idea of 'helping the needy'. I guess it stems from my lack of courage, confidence and will to engage the 'rules of the game' in this city to make decent money and survive. Just sometimes, I wish I can disappear in some corners of this region to do voluntary work (and not knowing where the money will come from), mind my own business, and hopefully, contribute some positive things to people of a different culture. I guess I can just read books for now, for another 12 months at least... literature, politics, philosophy, christian books... to enter into another world, to ponder about imponderables, to find a balance, to find an imaginary escape vault, to find a concrete path into a different world.

By the way, my supervisor has been rather kind. He provided some guidance along the way, and hopefully, I can write a good paper about poverty. I told s that my paper is like playing sudoku by myself for 12 months. There really isn't anyone who is interested in the game. And completing the sudoku game will have no implication for anything at all; it doesn't provide tangible contributions to anyone too. It is probably just a personal satisfaction, an 'academic' kind of satisfaction, paper knowledge, detached knowledge... a logical paper without a soul. Writing a paper without a soul feels alienating sometimes, in fact... all the time. Still, I hope the eventual completed book will become a sort of reminder and hope to myself that one day, without much societal constrains, I can contribute some good works to people from a different land. It is probably 'romanticized' but I don't really care lah.

Last night

A murmur of spring that awakens a falling night,
of a fountain heart beneath the singing cloud.
A leaf through a floating moment,
of ginger lime and minted moroccan.
Like a deluded moon,
in a peaceful night
that was still and nice.

wandering in the green

The Kite Runner

'A way to be good again'