Tenacity

The Vision of Ezekiel, Raphael, 1518

Ezekiel is so small I almost couldn't find him in the painting =P Maybe it is Raphael's way of telling us how we are so utterly dependent on God in all things great and small. I ain't doing too good in the faith department these days, so I'll stick to this painting for a while.

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to transpire. Tenacity is more than hanging on, which may be but the weakness of being too afraid to fall off. Tenacity is the supreme effort of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be conquered. The greatest fear a man has is not that he will be damned, but that Jesus Christ will be worsted, that the things He stood for - love and justice and forgiveness and kindness among men - will not win out in the end; the things He stands for look like will-o'-the-wisps. Then comes the call to spiritual tenacity, not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately on the certainty that God is not going to be worsted.

If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified. There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled. One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God. "Because thou hast kept the word of my patience."

Remain spiritually tenacious.

Taken from Oswald Chamber
http://www.myutmost.org/02/0222.html

On another note, I think I'll email dr ruby at 5am to ask for an extension for my draft 1. Late night emails usually evoke sympathy from profs that students are going through crap in their essay-ing life. No champions league football to keep my vigil though, so I'll have my international law textbook to keep me company. Studying for mid-sem test is like trying to fight insurgents in iraq... no progress in sight...

For all ye struggling socal scientists...

Hmm.. I think most people don't appreciate the value of a theory. You can theorize about an issue until the cows come home, and your only sense of validation comes from the policy makers or the practicians, who determine whether your theory is worth their time. Well, most theories don't anyway, because we live in a world that is controlled by the logic of greed, violence and money. No one is above moral judgement, so everyone lives according to the lowest common denominator of what is morally and socially acceptable. For those who struggles to be some sort of an apostle of truth, they live in a constant dissonance with the lowest common denominator. I think most people believe that there is a God, but I think most people find it hard to respond to His Creation. Creation seems to be defaced by the lowest common denominator, and so everyone believes in an afterlife that will reflect the highest stage of human virtue. So between now and the future/ afterlife/ Second coming, there is a space for social scientists to think critically about normative theories; how the world could strive towards a City of God. Therein lies the chasm, for any so called 'normative' theory could only reside in the mind of the apostle, but he is basically a disillusioned philosopher in the eyes of realists.

So I come across this statement in a boring textbook that somehow inspired me for the night:

"[There is a] need to differentiate between human rights susceptible of vindication as a matter of international law and those human rights that exist for the moment in the realm of morality and humanity. On the other hand, if we do not take the law of human rights forward, we run the risk of never achieving effective protection for even very basic rights. Some commentators would argue that a continuing reappraisal of the reach of human rights law is the only way to ensure their protection in a rapidly changing world. Practice will always lag behind theory, and if theory does not advance, neither will practice."

In the above Martin Luther church which I stumbled across in Dresden I think, they actually have this little corner near the exit where you can light a candle, write a wish, and put the candle there. Pretty cheesy thing actually if you ask me. I did light a candle and wrote a wish though, for that bit of self amusement. I can't remember what I wished for though, maybe it was world peace. It is funny how humans express hope through different ways, but I think hope is that bit of a mind game at the end of the day. So which is tougher? Changing the mind, or extinguishing the hope? I'll go for the former, because you can't really defeat hope by hoping that it will wither away; you are double killing yourself. But at least, changing the mindset makes it easier for everyone to breathe. At best they call this 'compromise', at worst they call this 'resignation'. But we are all living in the lowest common denominator, aren't we?

The Enlightenment

I kind of intentionally overslept myself and missed 10am service yesterday. Well, it was one of the occasional church combined services, and hence there wasn't any youth service or cell group matters. Haven't had the experience of sleeping in late on a sunday morning for a long time, so yesterday was a good excuse to skive. It was a good break from school work and church though, got to spend time with my family, as we had lunch and then head off to visit my maternal grandma at Bethany Hospice in choa chu kang. She had a stroke during christmas eve last year, but her condition is much better now. I think the stroke affected her speech abilities but she can move her limbs around. My mom's 7-8 siblings have been taking turns to visit her everyday, but yesterday everyone turned up at the hospice to celebrate CNY. My cousins weren't there though, except for the younger ones. So as usual, I would try to make sense of whatever hokkien conversations that were flying through my ears, and make small talk with my younger cousins.

So anyway, it was a good break from school work. I was getting a bit of an anxiety attack over the weekend for my seemingly lack of inspiration/motivation to write my thesis. Badly needed a friend to bounce some ideas on IR theories, but my only good friend who is good with IR and theories and insist that I have realist tendencies, is on exchange. Sigh... Well, at least now I'm quite satisfied with the first 2 pages of my thesis, after many days of writing and rewriting. A good intro probably makes it easier for me to blast my way through the remaining 40 pages or so.

Anyway, the photo above was taken in Berlin. I think it was part of Germany's way to restore some sort of German pride in their own history. What I learnt back then from the folks in the pubs, was that the germans were never at ease with themselves after WW2. It seems that there was a deep national psychosis that nothing really good came out of German history. It is funny and scary that 4 years of hypernationalism can kill a country's nationalism for a good 60 years. So Berlin had this idea of restoring German pride by putting up a series of exhibitions/festivals to remind themselves of their great intellectual and cultural history during the Enlightement.

I kind of like that display of German philosophers. Maybe I identify myself with that bit of German history/struggle. I know it is a bit slow, but my new year resolution has only began to crystalized in the last month or so. Well, besides trying to keep those vague resolutions that I made way back in dec 05, I think I just want to receive as much knowledge from books, and wisdom from God in the next 1 year or so. I think when you turn a quarter of a century, you start to realize that you are slowly reaching a threshold in understanding yourself and the world. Maybe you make incremental changes to the way you think, but by and large, your worldview is more or less fixed. So if the government is bad, means it is bad. If the world is a tough place, it is a tough place. It will be rare for any paradigmatic shifts in your worldview unless the Creator comes in and shakes your brain.

Yeah, so I hope 07 and 08 will be fruitful years to learn more stuff, a new language, a new philosophy, a new worldview. Maybe I'll work after that, or maybe I'll really do phd. But for now, it is time to continue on my thesis adventure. And I just realized I've popped all the 8 squishy siew mai tarts after typing this blog. No side effects yet.. ha.

Vanity of vanities! All is vanity. (Ecc 1:1)

gee, I know I am alienated and anti-social when there are three different things happening on 23rd feb, and I feel like going for none. there is the tiertiary cell group cny steamboat dinner at sue's place i think, and i don't feel like going cos sometimes i just need the space to zone out from communal stuff. there is a ps department dinner at the hilton hotel organized by the ps profs and they made it totally free for the honors students, but i just find the thought of talking and eating with profs and classmates at a table for 2 hours a tedious chore. they've thrown in eunice olsen as well, but i think that makes it easier for me to decide not to go. there is also deb's gig at homeclub; nothing wrong with her music, but i usually feel out of place in clubby places. oh, and there is core team retreat over the weekend, which i told lydia that i am not going because of a very legitimate reason that i got a mid-sem test and 2 chapters of thesis (maybe 5000 words???) for dr ruby the following day.

i think space-out jim is back again, running away from everyone. it feels therapeutic to have an ecclesiastical social black out once in a while though.

met up with shengwei and ainsley today. i'm quite surprised by how the three of us are drawn to a pretty good commitment to meet up regularly to go through bibe studies. today we did it at the national library after i accompanied ain to do his guitar shopping at bras basah. i think for this year, despite all the space out crap that i like to entertain myself with, i ought to try to keep to the commitment in this mentoring business.

commitment of commitments. it's all about commitment... and that bit of longsuffering?

A second attempt in deconstructing Attractiveness

James Whistler, Nocturne in Black and Gold: The Falling Rocket, 1875

"...In 1877 the critic John Ruskin denounced Whistler's Nocturne in Black and Gold: The Falling Rocket (1875; Detroit Institute of Arts), accusing him of "flinging a pot of paint in the public's face", and Whistler sued him for libel the following year. He won the action, but the awarding of only a farthing's damages with no costs was in effect a justification for Ruskin. Potential patrons were repelled by the negative publicity surrounding the case, and the expense of the trial led to Whistler's bankruptcy in 1879..."

Heh, what a loser.

Anyway, to me, the painting looks like a depiction of a campfire, with burning embers floating in the twilight. I wonder how many different inter-subjective perspectives are out 'there' for a viewer to interpret. I can't see it through any other perspectives though. In such situations, I wonder if it is the content of the art that has become the central value, or if it is the unique relationship between the gazer and the gazed that has become the centrality of the aesthetic substance, or maybe the gazer is just plain myopic and boring, or maybe the sweetness and the lightness of the gazed is astoundingly deep, mysterious and beautiful. It is quite comforting to stand there looking at the same painting for eons though, other paintings just ain't aesthetic or meaningful enough. This is either a cause for joy or a cause for misery, or maybe it is a bit of both. In the words of Soren Kierkegaard, the conflation of joy and misery, in the prolonged agony of standing firm in his aesthetic faith, has consequently transformed the gazer into the "knight of infinite resignation". In my own words, he is therefore a hero or a real loser.

Hmmm... ha, I think I should stick with writing ps essays, writing essays on art just isn't my cup of tea.

Future Grace

“The only life I have left to live is future life. The past is not in my hands to offer or alter. It is gone. Not even God will change the past. All the expectations of God are future expectations. All the possibilities of faith and love are future possibilities. And all the power that touches me with help to live in love is future power. As precious as the bygone blessings of God may be, if he leaves me only with the memory of those, and not with the promise of more, I will be undone. My hope for future goodness and future glory is future grace” John Piper, Future Grace

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness",Christ to Paul, 2 Cor 12:9.

Thank God for imputting in us the freewill to change, and that You are unchanging.

6am

I couldn't sleep. Woke up at about 5 something to prepare worship songs for cluster later. Perhaps too many thoughts were running through my sleepless night. Thoughts about words said in the past week. I closed my eyes and just plucked the guitar. A worship song never felt so inter-textual before.

Jesus, lover of my soul
Jesus, I will never let You go
You've taken me from the miry clay
Set my feet upon a rock, and now I know

I love You, I need You
Though my world may fall, I'll never let You go
My Savior, my closest friend
I will worship You until the very end

Two sides of the Pacific

The spinning top made a sound like a train across the valley
Fading, oh so quiet, but constant 'til it passed
Over the ridge into the distances, written on your ticket
To remind you where to stop
And when to get off

"The Build-Up" Kings of Convenience

Thought of the Day

"a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench" (Isaiah 42:3)

Today's cell word at the new Young Adult Ministry was about decision making and inquiring His will. Although the cell word was centred on James 4, somehow my mind drifted towards this verse throughout the session. I haven't quite processed my thoughts yet. Anyway, I think God does not operate in a way in which there is a single grand blueprint for each and every of His creation; He probably has a few good pathways for us to move along, so long we are not acting in contrary to His word, and they all work towards the glorification of Christ. Also, sometimes what we assume to be a good and Godly decision turns out to be somewhat miscalculated. I think we all have encountered that sort of stuff when we walk the talk long enough. Well, I guess that is maybe where Isaiah 42:3 comes in? I guess on one reading, the verse is meant for the elected few who have to sacrificed a bit of their lives- the apostles, saints and missionaries who encounter sufferings in the process. But maybe on another reading, it is also for those who pursue Him with good intentions but somehow got stuck in a bit of a divine muddle. "A faintly burning wick he will not quench", I think there is room to take risks with God...

how did the cat get so fat?

i went to catch 'how did the cat get so fat' by teater ekamatra at the esplanade last night. it was part of the requirement for dr kt's module. the play was essentially a monologue by siti khalijah zainal, who plays a nine-year old singapore malay girl. as she traverse across singapore, she meets people who represent different sections of singapore society. at the same time, our national pledge gets dissected and its concepts played around by siti; words like 'citizens', 'regardless', 'justice', 'equality', and 'progress' were separated from the pledge and placed as titles of the various segments. it was provocative and funny at the same time. i didn't laugh a lot though. hmmm... i found it hard to laugh at times. in between the various segments, the screen would flash a cyberart dialogue between a ear and an eye. the landscapes were inspired by the Little Prince. the ending was quite bitter-sweet. siti broke down towards the end. i wasn't sure if she was play acting, or if she was really crying. maybe if i'm a muslim/malay, i would be in a better position to empathize. it is one of those plays that provokes a lot of questions, but leaves many unanswered. such is life?