the phariseesometer

yay, last week of january. let's see how i've scored as a self righteous pharisee for the month (just for fun)



Finished bible reading for month of january 4 days before 31st Jan = + 100

Made empty promises to 2 friends = - 50

Gave Mere Chrisitianity to my unchurched buddy = + 50

Fell asleep during service and pretended that I did not fall asleep when someone woke me up = -25

Slept late and woke up late and feeling crap for the rest of the day = - 70

Prayed though there aren't any motivation to pray for certain things = + 80

(Really) felt like beating someone up = - 10

Doubled my ang pow collection this year since my bro is not in s'pore = - 10


The phariseesometer = 65

That's a B! Thank God for grace...

my freudian talents

You scored as Philosophy. You should be a Philosophy major! Like the Philosopher, you are contemplative and you enjoy thinking about the purpose for humanity's existence. Philosophy 92% Theater 75% Journalism 75% Dance 67% English 58% Mathematics 50% Sociology 50% Anthropology 50% Linguistics 42% Psychology 33% Chemistry 25% Art 25% Engineering 25% Biology 17% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

hope

it feels like week 10 though it is only the 3rd week of the semester. somehow there is the feeling that this sem might be the sem that i'll crash. won't be a very nice feeling considering i was given a pretty cool lifeline from last sem's results. oh well.. i think a lot is just mind games. so it was good to meet up with pastor ian and daniel last night, to give my mind a sense of sanity. we are going through this book Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. It focuses on the simple basic christian disciplines - meditation, prayer, fasting, study, simplicity, solitude, submission, service, confession, worship etc - in a very deep manner.

This line pretty much capture the essence of what i've find it hard to reconcile

"Picture a long narrow ridge with a sheer drop off on either side. The chasm to the right is the way of moral bankruptcy through human strivings for righteousness. Historically this has been called the heresy of moralism. The chasm to the left is moral bankruptcy through the absence of human strivings. This has been called the heresy of antinomianism. On the ridge there is a path, the Disciplines of the spiritual life. This path leads to the inner transformation and healing for which we seek..."

Hmmm... I dunno, its tough to thread on this thin ridge when life whirls around in a catastrophic manner. Its hard to keep that mental space of stillness for God when the mind is so stuffed up with the day's events. Sometimes I just want to give up striving altogether, when I sit down and ask myself : "for what?". And then I realize it is such a self-centred question. Maybe the question is rephrased, to reduce the degree of self centrism, and I'll ask myself: "for who?". Rather sadly, I can't say with all my conviction that it is totally for an invisible but omnipresent God. Maybe there is always that sense of a tangible hope that threading on this ridge will make past and present crap seem a little more bearable, and perhaps explainable. But maybe, my idea of 'hope' is quite wrong after all. It's interesting that Paul places 'hope' at the end and 'suffering' at the front when he says 'Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope'

So I have to suffer first before I am given that space to hope? I thought the conventional way is to hope first so that any sufferings that comes after the hope will be lighter to hold. But, perhaps from Paul's perspective, 'hope' is really not a means to any ends, but rather an end in itself. Actually, it's pretty clear that Paul's hope is somewhat in the heavenly realm, an intangible and inexplicable sense of joy when the hope of returning home to God becomes a tangible reality. A hope that I fail to see because I'm blinded by my own little hopeless pursuit of things tangible and nice. Maybe my friend was right after all, he told me it is one thing to wait with hope, it is really quite another to have a hopeless wait. What am I waiting for? It's hard to tell myself i'm waiting for nothing... really.

There's a darth vader in my pocket

Taking 5 ps modules at the same time seem a little bit daunting now. Somehow, I'm feeling rather inadequate in the "democratic possibilities in s'pore" module and the "chinese contemporary politics" module. Both are pitched at level 2000 though. Strangely, I feel more confident doing the level 3000 and 4000 modules, most of these modules revolve around foreign policy and strategic studies, which I suppose are my strengths.

Aye... I don't know. I think sometimes studying too much about power and security makes me see human relations in terms of self interests and insecurities. I wonder, to what extent is the human projection of depravity and self preservation valid at the systemic levels of state interactions and power politics?

Been thinking a bit about post grad plans. Was toying with the idea of doing a masters in strategic studies in IDSS, NTU. Oh well, the future is still a bit (or big) blur, maybe I should stop thinking about it, and seize the real but somewhat difficult present.

Democracy is for the "fool, and the fools who follow him." Obi Wan Kenobi.

Starbucks to heaven?

Sometime exactly a year ago, I think God really planted this deep desire in me to lead a team to do something to help people who were affected by the tsunami. It came at a time when I was rather quite down in the spirit and wanted to just burn myself in my studies. So after a few hiccups here and there, 14 of us went to Sri Lanka and we were glad that a few lives were touched along the way.

So it seems quite coincidental that today's conversation over our cell dinner somehow affirms something that I've been pondering. And it came at a time when I'm feeling rather down (for no reasons though... I think) and really want to burn myself in my studies again. Alright... I'm using words like 'seems', 'somehow', and 'something' because I have no idea how this project might turn out. It might just turn out to be youthful idealism on our part. Besides, it is going to be a long term project (maybe 3 years?) that is based on sustainability rather than the usual touch-and-go form of mission.

I've first shared this idea with daniel on venturing into a business project (though we have no background in business whatsoever) to set up a not-for-profit evangelistic cafe in Singapore. This cafe will have a niche that will make it stand out above the usual starbucks, coffee express and coffee bean. Alright, I will not reveal what is this 'niche' all about, lest we lose our niche and competitive edge.. ha ha. And so the idea was just to come up with a solid business proposal for now and maybe after we graduate and find a job (oh well, I don't see daniel working in the next 3 years though), we'll have a stable income to kick start the whole project.

But while we were talking to pastor ian a few days back over a walk in rochester park (can always count on him to find nice places to work even in our urban jungle!), we realize that the concept behind our form of evangelism can be applied to street children in Laos. Our church already have a ministry there for street kids, and this project will tie in quite perfectly to further empower the street kids there. Daniel has been to Laos twice, and myself once, and I suppose Laos is a country that has captured my heart with its sense of rustic nostalgia and french colonial past. I really won't mind going there to recce and see the gaps and needs that can be congruent with our vision and mission. Just don't ask me to chop a tree again. I really wanted to swing that pathetic axe at someone while doing missions in Laos in 03.

But yeah... it will remain a vision for now. Nonetheless, I think God moves when we move. The immediate step is to pray and ask for expertise and advice as well as research into the whole area of social entrepreneurship. The prospect seems really exciting. And I think it is certainly possible to blur the distinction between secularism and evangelism when it comes to community services. This will be all the more important in a semi communist buddhist country like Laos, where local spies insert themselves in churches to ensure that foreigners aren't doing preachy stuff. But surely, they won't mind a cup of ice blended mocha along the way. :)