Challenges for the second half of 2005

The first half of the year began with a period of solidarity in God's silence, as I struggled with issues that stemmed from 2004. Psalm 42 was the verse that God put in in my heart, in particularly "deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls".

Indeed, it was a time when silence begets silence, and the deep (stillness of His absence) resonates a deeper need to stand firm in the roars of the waterfalls - such as the mad rush in running a project for an NGO, preparing myself to lead a mission team to Sri Lanka, doing my best for my PS major, managing cell group and coping with personal struggles.

Nevertheless, when the time came for God to speak, He really speaks out loud during the times spent in Sri Lanka. There were times when I was totally quiet and detached from the group cause God was speaking into my heart in a way that I know it must be from Him. God particularly addressed areas that I can improve in my leadership, which was the difficulty of being relational to people, and everywhere that I went, I was challenge to talk to people from all walks of life.

Looking back, I suppose I did not do an exceptionally good job in being relational to the people there, but neither did I do a bad job.

Since my return to Singapore, God continues to speak to me in other areas of my life. And there are just so many things that He put inside that sometimes I wish I can just muffed out His voice. While these are challenging issues, there is also that sense of anxiety and helplessness when my mind is distracted with things that are not of God.

I've come to realize that Psalm 42 has been a verse to sustain me in the first half of 2005, and there needs a new verse to sustain me for the second half of this year, and perhaps it will also be extended to next year.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7.

In particularly, I've listed down 6 areas that God has been knocking into my heart.


1) Framing a vision and structure for the new cluster that I'll be taking, which might be as early as September.

2) Looking into the possibility of starting an 'Art' Ministry, which I have discussed with some of the Sri Lankan team mates, but hopefully will be able to talk to some of the church leaders soon.

3) Rallying a group of friends to dig deep into the Bible, and to open up new perspectives, so that we will be able to "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction" (Tim4:2). Practical steps would be to buy books/ DVDs/ and maybe visit other churches such as New Creation to get fresh perspectives.

4) Personal character. Well, this being personal, shall be kept personal then.

5) The possibility of doing a follow-up with the churches of Sri Lanka that we have came into contact with during Love Matara 2005.

6) the biggest challenge of all - SURRENDERING MY WILL TO MEET GOD'S WILL. I suppose I do know where is the source of my struggle in surrendering my will, and God has been pounding into my heart to give Him one year of my life to meet all these challenges. And ... argh... I just can't go on writing.

Seems like the stakes are too high for now. I've been convincing myself that God does not need us to promise Him anything, because it is His will to promise us by the blood and covenant of Jesus (through grace), not Our will to promise Him anything (through works), which will certainly guarantee failure due to human imperfection. I suppose my theology is a bit wrong here, but God, give me time to sort out my mind.

I guess going to Korea is good, since it coincides with our church 40 day fast. I need time out from the distractions in Singapore to make sense out of God's challenges. Meanwhile, I pray that Phil 4:6-7 will sink into my heart.