Perseverance

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Today was one of the days when I felt rather incompetent and incomplete. Had a meeting with Ian and Angel at the new youth room to run through some issues for the Sri Lanka expedition. In between, there were some phone calls made to SIF to double check the budget details. Although we managed to get some things done, I left the church feeling rather burdened.

It was then I realized that I'm actually really very tired, and drained in all aspects. It did not hit me during the exams, perhaps it was because I kept myself in a tunnel vision, and shut myself out from all other distractions such as msn, lunch meet-ups and even the usual night supper that my dad would buy back.

When you run a 200 metre race, the acidic build up in the muscles does not occur during the race but after the race itself. And today, I experienced the full blow of it. Nevertheless, a friend gave me this verse. It came as a surprise because I did not really share with her the fatigue that I'm experiencing, but just the "faithless-me" aspect that I tend to stuggle from time to time.

I suppose God is challenging me not just with respect to perseverance for the Sri Lankan trip, but to trust that His plans are bigger than what I can conceive. To some extent, I'm always searching, never stopping, and the race is made joyless though my own undoing. According to ISBE, faith that develops into perseverance is a matter of will power and not simply under necessity. It is not so much that I 'will' myself to believe in God, but the inner discipline to have a resolute conviction in His goodness in times of tribulations.

I hope God will build me up further through the SL trip and prepare me well as I take up more ownership in leading the junior cluster in the second half of the year. I tend to rely on my organization abilities and not so much on my spritual strength in church, and I have to reverse this trend if I want to achieve what James said as 'pure joy' in all the things that one does for God.

Meanwhile, I do feel the need to keep my friend in prayer too. I might be wrong, but I think she is beginning to find a renewed strength in Jesus after a hiatus. I pray that she will keep that going in her walk with God, and not let the long summer break nullify the spirit.