My plans or His plans?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I just came back from a 3 week mission trip to Sri Lanka. During the midst of doing the different community works in Sri Lanka, I took time out to reflect on my life, my goals and my future. I suppose the issue of doing long-term or full-time mission came across my mind a few times while my team was serving the community in Sri Lanka. However, I decided not to entertain too much thoughts into that prospect while I was in Sri Lanka, for it could be an emotional reactionary desire upon seeing the destitution of the tsunami victims.

Certainly, such callings are not made within a month's exposure to the mission fields. It will require prayer, affirmations and advice from church leaders, and above all, hearing God's voice above the human inquisition to chart out his own destiny for himself.

Before we left Sri Lanka, I shared with the team regarding the three stages of a community service expedition- the "what?", "so what?" and "now what?". Although this three stages are taken from the context of the Singapore International Foundation, I felt that they are applicable to mission works. Briefly, the "what?" stage is the pre-expedition phase; what we envision the expedition to be like, our hopes, fears and expectations for the trip. The "so what" stage reflects the reality of the trip itself, which might involve the lowering of expectations or a total change in perception of the community over there. The last stage - "now what?" - involves our action plans upon returning back to Singapore; where we are moving from now on, with respect to what we have seen in Sri Lanka.

I suppose many youths who have been through the YEP experience stop short at the "so what?" stage. They come back to Singapore and almost immediately, the pace of our society renders the experience to just that - a mere experience. It is hard to translate that experience into concrete actions plans because they cannot be the change that they want to see in the future by relying on an emotional experience that is contextual in nature within the confines of a faraway land. Pragmatism and reality take centre stage when survival in a developed society is based on meritocracy and efficiency.

Nevertheless, the "now what?" stage takes upon a deeper meaning for religious followers when they see a higher calling above the things that they do in their communitarian services. In the case of Christianity, we are challenged to be "world Christians"; to fulfill The Great Commission

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." Matthew 28:19

Before I left Singapore, Ailing told me that in any short-term "exposure" mission trip, the question of our role as world christian must be probed; and we must reflect if God has called us to be a "mobilizer", "go-er", "sender", or "welcomer" in missions. Being a leader to Sri Lanka has made me more aware of my strengths and weaknesses. For one thing, I think my main weakness is that I choose to be rather detached from the people that I interact with, be it whether they are Sri Lankan folks or even with my own team members. One of my team members commented that I tend to push aside my emotions when I lead the team.

I suppose that is how I handle things, because I do not want to give any empty promises to the Sri Lankan folks that I'll come back again, or that I'll follow up on them when I'm back, because I'm afraid that I might not be able to do so when the pace of NUS hits me again. Personally, I feel that we mean a lot more to the Sri Lankan children than they do to us. In Singapore, we have choices and we can move on. Promises that were made can be broken. But in Sri Lanka, or in Cambodia (a previous YEP expedition that I've been to last year), the children do not have as much choices as us, and we might just mean the whole world to some of them, who have lost their loved ones in the tsunami. If I do say that I'll pray for one of the kids there, I'm really not sure if I would do so 3 months down the road.

Perhaps, this is why I choose to put aside emotions because promises based on emotions are fragile. However, no one goes to a mission field with a stone cold heart.

So right now, it seems that the Sri Lankan mission trip has posed more questions than answers with respect to how I want to serve God in the future. More troubling is that I cannot envision what my future holds beyond my graduation from NUS.

(to be continued... out for movie)