A medley of panadols

I find it hard to sleep at 1am.
Though I'm really trying hard to sleep.
Usually, I would lay on my bed at 3am.
But it won't be till 4am that I could really sleep.
It's disturbing my bio system.
I'll wake up at 930am and dash off for my 10 am lessons,
unkempt and much maligned.
Or wake up at 1145 am and give up going for my 12 noon one.

***

Shambles shambles.
I hate it when I can't control the simplest things in life, such as sleeping in itself!
There is just no rest whatsoever with a thousand and one things in my head.
Can I pray for a brain filter?
If there is such a thing as a brain filter?
To sieve out the useless,
so that my head will be less choked up.

***

Honestly, I think my strength is my damn weakness.
I like to think too much.
I'm not saying I'm smart,
cos I am not
(and my cap tells me so).

***

But I just like to think, and ask God questions that demand no replies.
It's the silence, that cripples me at night.
And when the dreams start streaming in at 4am,
it is immediately an "ideal place", and "a void" at the same time.
Because it was such a lovely place; the laughter amongst autumn leaves.
But yet I know that it is just a vague and distant ideal,
a negation of what I knew,
that demands no replies.

***

So what can I say, in these moonlit rites?
I'll close my eyes for another night.
Laughter amongst autumn leaves,
would do just fine.