I am a product of MOE

Been marking and typing out 2-cents' worth of what I think of my students' essays. Having read a pretty interesting essay from an exchange student, I realize that I am truely a Singapore product. I would have probably given her an A- if I am an American, but I think my brain is 'wired' and 'programmed' to write in a particular way. Man, I am truely Singaporean.... and I can't stand it.

***

Dear xxx,

Thank you for your essay in which you gave a personal opinion on how Singapore’s authoritarian democracy differs from western strands of liberal democracy.

On the whole, the essay is fluid with sufficient contrast between ‘Asian’ and ‘Western’ liberalism, with a focus on the idea of freedom of expression.

However, a weakness in the essay is that you have not defined clearly the idea of ‘democracy’ and its associated values. There are certainly many strands of democracy (or for that matter, liberalism), such as classical democracy, republican democracies, corporate capitalism, deliberative democracies and even Marxist democracies. The lack of a clear definition makes it difficult for me to understand the conceptual basis by which you view Singapore through a Western lens. Consequently, the essay lacks a strong thesis statement and is meandering in structure. There is a surface perspective on Singapore politics, without a critical exploration on how and why it has evolved towards a democratic state that, as you say, ‘has strings attached’.

In terms of style, the essay lacks an academic tone, with insufficient evidences and credible bibliographic citations to back up the points that you are making. While the essay might make it to a newspaper commentary section, it might not do so well as an entry into an academic journal.

Nonetheless, the essay is engaging, certainly for a Singaporean reader. I hope your stay in Singapore has been great, despite the lack of freedom and cultural vibes.

Regards,
Jimmy Lim

Grade: B